Guest Post by Chronically Bex
Living with chronic pain and illness means my body is constantly shifting. Some days it feels like a stranger I can’t quite trust. Other days it feels like I’m carrying more weight than I can hold and I can’t seem to catch my breath. For a long time, I thought my only option was to endure, to push through, to try dull the signals my body sent me. It has been a rollercoaster since my first diagnosis eight years ago and for a while there I began to feel disconnected from my body, numb to anything but pain.
But then I discovered something unexpected: pleasure could soften the pain.
It didn’t erase it, but it brought life back into a body that felt dulled by fatigue and discomfort. Pleasure became a way of waking myself up, reminding me that beneath the exhaustion, I was still capable of desire, of sensation, of release, of connection and pleasure.
When I talk about pleasure, I mean both the gentle, everyday kind; Simple things like the sun on my skin, warm water on aching muscles, the taste of something sweet on my tongue and the deeply intimate kind that stirs the whole body awake. Sensual pleasure became a pathway back to myself. Orgasms, whether shared with a lover or discovered in solitude, carried me beyond the tightness and tension, flooding me with warmth and release. In those moments, pain loosened its grip, and I remembered my body was not only a vessel of illness but also a source of power, tenderness, and joy.
So how do you begin weaving pleasure into your life, especially when pain and exhaustion feel overwhelming?
Here are five ways that supported me:
1. Begin With Micro-Pleasures
Start with the smallest sensations. Stroking your arm, pressing a warm cloth against tired muscles, noticing how your lips feel when you trace them with your tongue or an ice cube. These micro-pleasures gently reawakening the nervous system, reminding your body it can feel more than pain. For me, I realised how much of my body had gone numb, particularly internally.
2. Create Intentional Space for Pleasure
Pleasure needs space, you need to welcome it back in, especially when you are spending so much of your life in fight or flight… or in my case, freeze. Light a candle, close the door, play music that makes your body soften. Whether you’re alone or with a partner, setting an atmosphere signals safety, which helps your body open to touch, arousal, and eventual release. You are making an intentional choice to reintroduce pleasure into your day, honor that by making it feel special.
3. Explore Your Body’s Yes and No
Tune back in. Living with illness often means your capacity changes daily. Some days, penetration or deep touch may feel impossible. Other days, clitoral stimulation or slow, lingering caresses feel like medicine. Ask your body, What kind of touch feels good today? and honour the answer. Allow yourself the time to feel out what is a yes, if you are bringing a toy into the equation, feeling what your body needs in that moment. So often we are taught to default to things like vibrators for a more instant gratification and don’t get me wrong they have their place, but in these moments, the slower pleasure you can introduce with glass toys like the ZYRA pleasure wand that allow you to be present and conscious as you feel out where your pain is and what feels good allows a deeper connection.
4. Redefine What Pleasure Means
Pleasure doesn’t have to be fireworks every time and removing the expectation so you can simply allow yourself to relax into what feels good is a great way to tune back in and slow down. It might be gentle self-touch, playful exploration without orgasm, or an intense climax that floods you with relief. By letting go of what pleasure “should” look like, you allow yourself to discover what actually nourishes you.
5. Use Pleasure to Anchor in the Present
Pain often pulls us into fear of what’s coming or grief for what we’ve lost. Pleasure, especially sexual release, pulls us back into the now, where the body is alive, breathing and responsive. Anchoring into this moment, even briefly, reminds you that you are more than your illness. Your body is still capable of so much more than just surviving.
Reintroducing pleasure into my life hasn’t cured my pain, but it has transformed my relationship with it. It wakes me up when exhaustion numbs me. It reminds me that my body can still surprise me, still gift me moments of sweetness, fire, and release. Pleasure is not an escape it is a reclamation. A reminder that even through illness and pain, I can still feel alive.
If you’ve forgotten what pleasure feels like, you’re not broken you’re healing. Give yourself permission to rediscover it one moment at a time. Let today be the first moment.
xxx
Chronically Bex (Becky Giblin)
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