How To Ditch the Vibrator (and Still Get Off 💦)

Have you ever found yourself reaching for your vibrator after sex to make sure you finish too? Or do you tend to reach for it mid-act for fear that you won't finish otherwise? You're not alone.

Vibrators are a lot of fun and the ultimate companion for that quick-fix clit-gasm, however unfortunately they don't replicate a mere tongue, finger or penis (I've never met a vibrating tongue or finger with 10 different speeds - have you?), which can lead to some disappointment in the bedroom - particularly during partner-sex.

If you are feeling too reliant on your vibrator, or are just looking to have some fun exploring some non-vibrating sexual pleasure, I have some tips to help.

The Orgasm Gap

More than 90% of men usually experience orgasm in their intercourse yet among women, this proportion is only around 50% (Darling, Haavio-Mannila & Kontula, 2001; Kontula, 2009).

There seems to be a problem when it comes to orgasms: if a woman doesn't finish or takes too long to finish, there must be something wrong with her. False! It is time we unlearn this assumption. Women just need more time and patience. Men and women are wired differently when it comes to sex. While many women find that a vibrator helps them orgasm faster to "keep up" with their partner, we may be doing ourselves a disservice if we rush straight to climax and miss out on the journey.

Viewing an orgasm as the only goal can also be frustrating and take away from the actual goal: learning more about yourself, connecting with yourself, and enjoying yourself. Once you learn to focus on these aspects of self-pleasure and sex, orgasms become a natural result.

Can You Use A Vibrator Too Much?

1. Too Much Focus on the Finish Line And Not Enough on the Journey

I fully support women doing what feels pleasurable to them, and our empowerment could stem from us tapping into our innate, unlimited feminine potential, rather than from a place where we feel frustrated with our bodies or assume they are incapable of pleasure on their own and instead need a vibrator.

Women need help letting go of the guilt, embarrassment, and shame they carry (sometimes subconsciously) in order to fully embrace our sexual and personal potential. An orgasm is nowhere near as important or powerful as feeling confident, safe, and at ease with ourselves.

2. Trusting your body to orgasm!

If you have struggled to achieve orgasm and a vibrator helped you reach your peak - great! Vibrators are loads of fun and make life easier to have clit-gasms. However, we need to be careful about how much we rely on them and what are intentions are behind using them.

If you use a vibrator because you worry your body cannot achieve orgasm fast enough without one or that you won't be able to orgasms at all, it is time to trust that your body is capable of producing these feelings on its own. You have everything you need to tap into deep reserves of pleasure and power. In fact, orgasms without a vibrator can be far more powerful - they might be slightly more energetic than your typical vibrator-induced orgasm.

Understanding and believing that your body is fully ready and capable to experience waves upon waves of pleasure is your first step to relying on a connection to yourself than a vibrator. You may end up surprising yourself with the amount of pleasure you are capable of. I am willing to bet it may be even more than you have ever achieved with a vibrator!

3. Long-Term Effects of Vibrator Use Are Unknown

The genitals are packed full of delicate, sensitive tissues and nerve endings. These areas are extremely sensitive and we do not know for certain what effect hard, fast, repeated vibrating movements can have on these nerves and tissues since the long-term effects of vibrator use have not been fully studied.

While vibrator quality has been improving, there are still reports of women experiencing numbness after using vibrators or difficulty achieving orgasm without one. It worries me how many women admit to struggling to enjoy themselves without a vibrator.

To become sexually empowered person, it is time we approach orgasm in a way that fully allows us to enjoy it. No pressure. No expectations. No rushing. No shame.

In order to achieve this, we need to trust and love ourselves, give ourselves as much time as needed, focus on our body's subtle sensations, and allow tension to dissipate.

Tips For Mind-Blowing Pleasure Without Your Vibrator

If you feel like you rely on your vibrator too much or are just looking for some fun bedroom inspiration, try out some of these tips.

1. Practice Slow Sex

Have you ever heard of slow sex? Essentially, it is just what it sounds like -- slow, deliberate, intimate, connected, gradual, gentle sex. To practice slow sex, the penis is simply held in stillness inside the vagina. This allows for subtle, gentle sensations that go largely unnoticed otherwise. You might like to read this article for more information on slow sex.

At first, you may not notice anything at all. With time, your muscles may experience a gradual recalibration and your mind's awareness will expand and you will feel an enhanced connection to your body as you begin to experience these subtle feelings of pleasure.

Slow sex is also a great way to connect with your partner on a deeper level.

2. Switch It Up

Yes, sex toys can play a vital role in sexual discovery, but counting on your vibrator to orgasm can limit your pleasure potential. Just like it is fun to switch up sexual positions, it can be fun to explore other toys or avenues of pleasure besides your vibrator.

There is nothing shameful about favouring a vibrator, but leaving it on your nightstand to pursue other avenues of pleasure is a great opportunity to truly discover your needs. You may even realise you prefer manual stimulation, slower penetration, a new position, mutual masturbation, or a whole host of other techniques and methods.

3. Turn On Your Mind

Arousal is physical AND psychological. Although vibrators can help a lot of women go from zero to WHOA in record time, this often leaves the mind behind.

Without adequate preparation, we forget to give our minds a chance to get turned on and tuned into the action. Being turned out physically and mentally (our brain is our largest sex organ!) results in amazing pleasure and intensified orgasms.

Here are some tips for getting your mind turned on:

• Replay a favourite sexual experience from your past

• Explore your fantasies

• Read your favourite erotic nove

• Tell your partner your fantasies

• Listen to your partner's fantasies

• Watch your partner pleasure themselves

4. Get Rid of Pleasure Blocks

A woman's ability to orgasm can be affected by a host of factors such as her mood, her fatigue level, if it's that time of that month, health status, and more. Generally, this is less true of men as they can achieve fairly straightforward erections and orgasms via friction.

Pay attention to anything that is standing in the way of your pleasure. Maybe you come home after a long day totally stressed, rushed, and frazzled. If this is the case, try pleasuring yourself first thing in the morning instead. Try switching up the setting (the shower or tub is always fun!), time of day, and method.

You can even try keeping a journal to track your best solo adventures. You may end up pinpointing exactly what gets in the way of your pleasure and what scenarios create the ideal build-up for you.

You might like to sign up to the Golden Yoni Membership to clear your pleasure blocks and step into your full erotic self.

5. Have Some Fun With Your Fingers

Ready to unleash your orgasm potential? No one knows you or your pleasure spots better than yourself, so start with your own hands!

Curious about where to start? Try making slow circles with your pointer and middle finger on your clitoris and clitoral hood. Try different pressures, speeds, and strokes until you find what feels best. Then, maintain a steady rhythm for as long as needed.

Don't worry if it takes a while or if you need to take a break and try again another time. Regaining sensitivity and finding independence away from your vibrator can take some patience. Enjoy the journey and your growing awareness and know that you will get there.

6. Tone It Down

If you find it overwhelming to think of completely putting away your vibrator to explore manual stimulation, try toning down the settings.

If you typically use a faster speed or stronger setting, try dialing it back a bit to help you start re-learning sensitivity and self-awareness.

7. Use Your Vibrator *And* Your Hands

If you want to ease away from using your vibrator too much, try starting off with your vibrator and then switching to your fingers partway through to finish things off. Mix up the order and how long you use each method and, most importantly, have fun! This combo method can be the best of both worlds for any woman trying to explore other routes of pleasure besides a vibrator.

Need More Inspiration For Relying Less On Your Vibrator?

Have you ever felt addicted to your vibrator? You are certainly not the only one! I hope these tips will help you know that you aren't alone and that they are countless fun ways to explore other routes of pleasure.

Wishing you self-awareness, exploration, and pleasure! 

For more inspiration, please feel free to check out my blog or join my private Facebook group dedicated to all-things-sex.