Guest post by Jaimie Hilton, co-founder of In A Bind and resident model for Yoni Pleasure Palace.
As a young girl with limited assertiveness and a tendency to cry, I was often labelled with words like ‘emotional’, ‘sheltered’, ‘naïve’. Society’s idea of submission seemed to simply be another way of forfeiting your power, and there was enough telling me growing up that I wasn’t very powerful - I wasn’t about to slap on ‘Submissive’ with all the others.
Towards the end of high school I experimented sexually like most kids, though I often found myself rebelling from any idea of vulnerability and presenting myself in mostly dominating ways. This worked for a while. It made me feel strong, formidable, and almost liberated. But no matter how much I could fake confidence and play out my dominant role, all those other things still quietly remained.
Delicate. Sensitive. Defenceless.
It wasn’t until four years later that I would realise the strength that my vulnerability could offer.
My exploration of Submission began quite spontaneously, the main trigger being the blooming of a relationship ripe with chemistry, trust, and love.
This was the first time I felt myself truly surrender, and venturing into some light BDSM felt wonderfully natural with this man. I began to be more and more surprised at the level of trust I had for him and his ability to find my line, and slowly, consensually, and blissfully toe it.
What I ended up finding in the world of BDSM was far greater than any mainstream softcore porn ever prepared me for. Sexual acts were suddenly charged with consent, boundaries, consistent checking-in and luscious aftercare. These words might not seem like the biggest turn-ons right now, but through them I felt my body and my words being listened to and respected in ways I hadn’t experienced before.
It was within this bubble of trust and intimacy that I found power in submission; power to explore my physical, emotional, and sexual limits, power to say no to things I was uncomfortable with, and power to express my emotions in any way they surfaced.
‘Submission’ and ‘surrender’ quickly became interchangeable terms for me. Whether it was within a ‘Sub’ and ‘Dom’ relationship, or just the act of submitting to a feeling, I found that I could never do either of these things without surrendering to my most authentic self first.
Since discovering this soft molten core at my soul’s centre, submission and surrender have seeped into every facet of my life far beyond the bedroom. And though learning to really feel what’s happening in my body and mind is hard, I’ve found that it’s even more difficult to accept those things and refrain from running or fighting.
The mask of hardness and control has fallen from me like cracked ice, and every day I commit to drawing strength from vulnerability, surrender, and softness.
This is where my power will always lie.
* * *
I am strong because I am soft.
I cast aside my shields of steel
And fear and wear scar tissue
As my proud protection.
I enter the world exposed,
Arms open, flesh ready for you.
Knowing that any wounds made
Will weave the strongest armour.
Founder of In A Bind