While women and female-bodied people are capable of immense amounts of pleasure, sometimes that pleasure can be a bit more nuanced than our male counterparts.

Our orgasms may be deeper and more plentiful, but they can also be more elusive and trickier to experience – especially during partnered sex.

The key to experiencing intense pleasure and plenty of orgasms with a partner is fostering a sense of sexual safety in your relationship. 

This is more nuanced and subtle than what you may think of when you hear “sexual safety.” While of course feeling physically safe and covering all your sexual health bases are important, sexual safety also means being able to ease into and feel pleasure, while being present in your body and with your partner.

All that to say – here’s your guide to creating sexual safety in your relationship!

1) ⁠Take your time 

The female body needs time. Time to settle into sensations, to let arousal build, and to feel just how powerful pleasure can be when you give it the time it needs to intensify.

If you’re reading this for your partner, let her know she can take as long as she needs. Sometimes hearing those words can help a woman fully relax. You can also tell your partner you need to hear this!

Think about it this way – women often need between 15 to 45 minutes (or more) to get fully aroused. Usually, the longer you take, the greater sense of sexual safety you’ll feel and the deeper the orgasm will be. We all know it doesn’t take men that long!

Pay reverence to her body by giving her a full body massage with Yinn | The Body Oil ($89 AUD). The Body Oil is formulated to support you in letting go. With a sensual blend of organic massage oils, your skin — or your lover’s — will be left feeling soft, hydrated, and smooth.

2) ⁠Slow down

How do you take your time? By slowing down, of course!

Slowing down brings more awareness and can help you feel more sensations. Especially if you’re in your head. Sometimes you need time to become fully present in your body. There’s absolutely no rush and no destination you need to arrive at. 

For partners – slow down everything you do when you touch her. From the way you touch her face, kiss her lips, lick her pussy, even breathing together. 

You can also explore using a wand, even if your partner has a penis. This is a great way to slow down and focus the pleasure on you. The word Ara means “worshiping” or “bringer of rain” in Arabic – nothing says sexual safety like some worshipping.

The Ara Glass Dildo Pleasure Wand ($79 AUD) has a long, slender neck, which works as a handle for gently maneuvering the wider end inside the vagina. The Egg-shaped bulbous tip has three ribbed tiers, which stimulate the G-spot, creating just enough texture and firm pressure to allow you to have a G-spot orgasm and maybe even squirt across the room!

3) Release expectations

Even if it’s not overt, there are often a lot of expectations that come with sex. Whether they’re coming from you or your partner.

We’ve all been there. Someone is going down on you or you’re having sex and you can just feel how goal-oriented they are. This can make you disassociate or feel pressure, making it difficult to orgasm.

So take orgasms off the table! The second someone takes the goal off the table, you feel like you can relax. When your partner is doing it for the pleasure of it, not the goal, it creates a sense of safety, trust, and more reciprocity than fulfilling a means to an end.

For partners – don’t pressure her. Let her know she doesn’t need to orgasm. Orgasm doesn't always need to be the goal. Instead, focus on feeling “orgasmic” rather than getting her to orgasm every single time. Focus on the connection. That’s how you build true sexual safety.

Go at your own pace and revel in over 14 modules of sexually empowering masterclasses, tutorials, guided meditations, guest interviews and practical yoni egg exercises plus a monthly women's sister circle on Zoom on the first Wednesday of every month. If you desire consistency, connection and community, this VIP Golden Yoni portal is the perfect place to be. Sign up now for only $40/month with no lock in contracts.