If you have already incorporated a sex toy with your partner, you know how much it can enhance and spice up your sex life.
But what if you’ve only used sex toys in solo play or never tried one at all? No worries! We’ve put together 4 tips for bringing a sex toy into your relationship so you can confidently introduce a sex toy into your sex life.
4 Tips for Introducing a Sex Toy Into Your Relationship
If you haven’t used sex toys with a partner before, it can be intimidating to bring it up. You may worry that you’ll offend your partner or that they won’t be interested.
If you are curious about adding a sex toy to your relationship but feel overwhelmed at the thought of discussing it with your partner, read on for some tips on how to bring it up.
1. Don’t Overthink It
Firstly, remind yourself there is no need to feel ashamed or weird for wanting to add a sex toy to the bedroom. It is totally normal to want to experiment with something new or learn how to use a sex toy to reach orgasm.
You may even be surprised at how receptive your partner is to the idea. There’s a good chance they’ve been curious about sex toys too!
When you bring up sex toys in a conversation, remind your partner that a sex toy will not replace them and that using a sex toy can be something you both enjoy and a fun way to try something new together.
Watching porn together. Mutual masturbation. Anal play. New positions
All aspects of sex require open, honest, judgement-free communication, including trying sex toys.
If you feel nervous about bringing it up, here are some ideas for how to get the conversation going:
- I’ve been wanting to try anal play and I read a great article on butt plugs
- I think it would be fun to use a toy together
- It would be hot to add a toy to foreplay
- I’d love for you to use this toy on me
- I’d love to learn to squirt…do you think you could help me learn using a toy?
- I think it would be hot if we used this toy while you’re inside me
- I think the right sex toy could help get me in the mood on days I’m feeling stressed
- What do you think of sex toys?
- Have you ever heard of a crystal wand?
Open up the conversation and keep it light and two-sided. Ask for your partner's thoughts, questions, feelings, and concerns. Keep the focus on trying something new together and experiencing increased pleasure together.
3. Bring It Up Whenever You Choose
There is no magic time to bring up adding a sex toy to your relationship. There’s also no timeline in terms of how long you’ve known your partner or how many times you’ve had sex with them before bringing up a sex toy.
Some partners may prefer bringing up using a sex toy together immeidately. Some may wait a certain amount of time. And some will never want to try at all.
All of these scenarios are totally normal.
The bottom line is that the right time to bring up adding a sex toy to your relationship is whenever you choose. It completely comes down to your comfort level with yourself and with your partner.
4. Decide on the Details
If both you and your partner are open to adding a sex toy to your bedroom sessions, it’s time to decide which type of toys you want to try.
The sheer number of sex toys and all the different types can be a little overwhelming if you aren’t sure what you are looking for. To help narrow down the options, think about the types of pleasure you enjoy most.
Think about questions such as:
- Have you been wanting to learn how to find your G-spot?
- Do you enjoy clit stimulation?
- Do you prefer penetration?
- Do you love simultaneous external and internal stimulation?
- Do you enjoy anal play?
- Have you always wanted to learn how to squirt?
*Tip* When using a sex toy, always keep plenty of high-quality, pH balanced lubricant on hand.
What If Your Partner Is Not Comfortable or Interested In Using a Sex Toy with You?
If your partner is not open to the idea of adding a sex toy to your sex life, be considerate of their feelings and try to be empathetic and understanding. Your partner may have preconceived beliefs, trauma, stigma, or some other factor creating their aversion to trying a sex toy.
Talk with your partner about other ways to spice up your sex life or other ideas you’d like to experiment with and see if that is a better starting point. Maybe you could try mutual masturbation or tantric sex. Or perhaps there are other toy-free ideas you’ve been wanting to try in the bedroom.
Ask your partner if they are okay with re-visiting the idea of trying out a sex toy together at some point in the future. Of course, you can also enjoy sex toys solo, but if you are sexually frustrated and feeling stigmatised or rejected by your partner, it may be a deal breaker.
Need Some Help Choosing a Great Sex Toy?
If you want to learn more about which sex toys might be best for you, are curious to learn how to squirt and which dildos are best for squirting, or simply need some guidance choosing a toy, please feel free to reach out to me. I would be happy to give you personalised pleasure recommendations so you can find the right sex toy for you.
For more tips on exploring pleasure and your sexuality and embracing your desires, check out my regularly updated blog dedicated to self-love and pleasure. I also invite you to join my private Facebook page, a sacred, safe, women’s only space for asking questions and expanding your sexual knowledge.