Vaginismus is an involuntary tightening of the pelvic floor muscles, causing pain during vaginal penetration. It's essentially a condition whereby the vagina clamps up and will not allow any form of physical penetration (penis, fingers, tampon, menstrual cup). The condition has been linked to past sexual abuse or trauma, past painful intercourse, and emotional factors, and in some cases, no direct cause can be found - making it a complete mystery.
There are two kinds of vaginismus: Primary vaginismus occurs when the woman has never been able to have penetrative sex because of the involuntary contraction of her vaginal muscles. Secondary vaginismus occurs when a woman has previously been able to have penetrative sex, but is no longer able to.
Here are 7 ways you can naturally heal your vaginismus (primary or secondary):
1. Belly Breathing
By practicing deep conscious belly breathing, as opposed to chest breathing, you will activate the parasympathetic nervous system and relax the lower abdominal muscles, which connect into the pelvic floor. Lie down on your back, place your hands on your belly and as you inhale let the belly rise up like a balloon, and as you exhale, the belly drops back down towards the spine. Do at least ten breaths like this, three times a day. Another tip is to notice during the day when you are a) holding your breath and b) sucking in your tummy. Let your tummy go, relax the abdominal muscles and take another deep breath. This takes presence and awareness during the day (not just during your yoga practice).
2. Butterfly stretch
We often hold a lot of tension in our inner thighs, which extend into our pelvic floor. When we stretch, relax and open the groin muscles, naturally our pelvic floor will start to relax and soften. This Yin Yoga stretch can be done when you're watching TV or sitting on the floor.
Simply bring the soles of your feet to touch, knees splayed out wide, heels about one foot in front of your groin (or further depending on your flexibility) and then gently fold over the feet. Hold for 3 - 5 minutes and practice at least once a day, incorporate deep belly breaths and consciously relax your yoni muscles as you hold the stretch.
3. See a Pelvic Floor Physio.
If your Vaginismus is chronic, you may need to go to a local pelvic floor physiotherapist. Your physio will insert her fingers (with consent) inside your vagina and massage the muscles, just like they would an aching neck, shoulder or any other sore muscle in the body.
The vagina is simply a muscle that may need some therapeutic massage to help release tension (makes sense!). The physio should teach you how to correctly activate your pelvic floor muscles (kegels exercises) and they may also suggest a set of dilators to help relax and stretch the muscles. We suggest trying “The Rosie'“ for Rose Quartz crystal dilating.
4. Crystal Wand Healing & Dilating
If you own one of our crystal pleasure wands, these can do the exact same job as a dilator from the physio, however you can set a sacred 'intention' into the gemstone and receive the crystal healing from within.
Dedicate 1-3 months to carve out 15 minutes a day to dilating with your wand. After a warm shower or bath, lay down in your bed and make sure you're not interrupted. Warm up the wand with warm running water (not boiling hot) and make the experience a little more intimate by adding some organic coconut oil as lubricant or your fave lubricant (we love YES because it's plant based and organic).
Start at the tapered end of the wand and gently massage the entrance of the yoni - a lot of women hold tension in this ring of muscles around the Vestibule. Simply resting the wand at the introitus and breathing here can be incredibly relaxing (and emotional for some). The first time you try dilating, you may not even insert the wand - trust your body and ask your Yoni what she needs. When you feel ready little by little let the wand slide inside, centimetre by centimetre, inch by inch - with no rush. Rest with the wand inside you for 10 to 15 minutes each night, or at least three times a week to receive the most out of the practice. Meditate while you do this and practice deep belly breathing.
4. Yoni Massage and Mapping
If the physio seems a little rigid and muscle-focused, then you might like to try Yoni Mapping as this therapy also looks at the underlying causes of the issue. A Yoni Mapping experience is a three hour full body massage, which includes the breasts and the Yoni (if the woman is ready). For a lot of women this experience is life changing and incredibly healing as they don't need to 'give anything back' and they can lie down, relax, receive and open in a safe space that's 'non-sexual' in nature.
The Yoni Mapping practitioner will gently map the inner walls of your yoni and press on different points and spots to help you release tension. Breath, sound and movement are encouraged to help release the stuck energy in your Yoni and the practitioner will guide you every step of the way and teach you about your vaginal anatomy and erogenous zones. We often hold a lot of trauma in this space from negative experiences, past lovers or sexual abuse, so the massage can often be highly emotional. You can check out where a local therapist near you is here: www.yonimappingtherapy.com or search in the Yoni Pleasure Palace Facebook group for recommendations (the question has often been asked many times before so please search in the group before asking).
5. Self De-Armouring
Vaginal de-armouring is basically the practice of consciously applying pressure on your vulva or inside your vagina, with the intention to put gentle pressure on points of tension, deeply breathe and allow the pressure to release and thus melt away. If you're wanting to try targeting muscles internally and your fingers aren't long enough (or you love having super long fingernails) we have two effective wands for this:
The Cervix Serpent wand is a glass massage tool that helps you stimulate hard-to-reach spots and zones inside the vagina including the cervix - the gateway portal between the vagina and the womb. It’s 30cm long, lightweight and effectively curved to access the natural curves inside the vagina. It has a bulbous end and a smaller end, which you can explore, depending on your level of pelvic tension. We recommend starting with the smaller tip to target spots of pain or numbness. Once you find a spot that is carrying some tension, pause, press on the spot, breathe and release an 'oooooohh' sound. Check it out The Cervix Serpent here.
The Lila is our most petite wand and helpful for targeting local pain, tension or numbness, particularly if you have a much smaller vagina or have never had penetration before. It’s virtually the length of a pen or a finger and has tapered ends, so you can press onto spaces internally with accuracy. You can choose either black obsidian or rose quartz. Typically obsidian helps release and pull out negative energy, and rose quartz helps to amplify emotions and love. Check out The Lila here.
7. Womb Healing Meditation & Yoni Steaming
If you don't feel quite ready for any form of penetration, try hands-off energetic healing first. A beautiful entry-point to this is our Womb Healing meditation. This 20 minute visualisation may help you access any memories, data, information or past experiences that you've been holding in your womb-space unconsciously. Our yoni holds everything - the sexual connections we have had, traumatic experiences, previous partners - and by bringing awareness to this space, can be enough to relax tension internally. Many women have experienced tears in this meditation, so notice what comes up for you. You may like to listen to the meditation while steaming your Yoni. These two combined are POWERFUL! Yoni Steaming may assist with cleansing the yoni, reducing menstrual pain, detoxification, yeast infections, helping with irregular periods, infertility, fibroids, ovarian cysts, healing from surgical scarring, endometriosis, trauma release and much much more. We always suggest our organic sensual blend of Australian herbs - click here to buy our Yoni Steam botanical herbs.
To conclude, healing Vaginismus is absolutely possible. With time, patience, implementing these practices, undertaking your own healing journey and a willingness to go deep into the mysteries of the feminine - you will heal. Have faith your Yoni will open when she is ready and don’t get disheartened if she takes longer than expected. Give her the time she needs and don’t rush the process. You are not broken.