How to Practice Sexual Aftercare
Most of us have had the experience of having sex with someone and then afterward feeling like we don’t get the intimacy, support, or sort of “closure” that we need.
How did that make you feel when that happened?
Likely raw, vulnerable, and yearning for more. Sex can crack you open and most of us need more after to sort of close the loop and stay connected with your partner.
That’s where aftercare comes in. Let’s explore what exactly aftercare is and how to practice it!
What is sexual aftercare?
The idea of “aftercare” comes from the kink community. Aftercare is essentially you and your partner supporting each other after having sex. Aftercare is anything that helps you both feel comfortable and relaxed after such an intimate, sometimes intense experience.
All sorts of emotions can surface when you have sex. Sometimes you feel emotional, energized, drained, peaceful, sultry, or all of the above! It’s such a game changer to make space to level out those emotions so you can feel grounded.
Sex can also be physically draining or leave you tired, hungry, and even sore in certain places. You have to tend to your physical needs as well.
We have foreplay, now let’s normalize aftercare to create a holistic sexual experience!
Ways to practice sexual aftercare
You may already be practicing aftercare without even realizing it! Do you and your partner have a ritual that you always do after sex? Even if it’s just cuddling and being sweet with each other?
That’s aftercare! If it works for you to have a set routine – great, if you want to switch it up and be more fluid with your changing needs that’s also great. Aftercare is highly specific to you and your partner.
Here are some ways you can practice it.
Checking in with each other
It’s not uncommon to sort of freeze up or have a difficult time communicating what’s on your mind after having sex, especially when it’s with a new partner. A great form of aftercare is checking in with each other. Talk about what you liked and give your partner praise (a kink for many) about what you really liked.
This is your time to check in about anything you didn’t like, emotions or anything else that came up. You don’t and shouldn’t have to hold that in. Say what’s on your mind, it will only deepen your connection with the right person.
It can be helpful to give feedback with “good, bad, good”. Sort of like sandwiching anything that didn’t work for you with a bit of praise. That could sound like “I loved it when you grabbed my *blank*, but I didn’t love when you changed positions really quickly. It helps me stay in my body when we move more gradually.”
This isn’t some rigorous checklist you need to run through. Checking in can be an intimate and beautiful conversation while talking about the experience can be hot in itself. Think sexy pillow talk!
Caring for your body
Physical aftercare is just as important as emotional. Check-in with each other about what you and your bodies need.
Some great ways to practice physical aftercare are getting a snack, drinking tea, cooking together or ordering take out, and eating in bed – may we suggest a splash blanket?
You’ll also want to rehydrate, especially if it was an extra sweaty sesh! A sweet way to connect is by taking a shower or bath together to clean off while still staying close. Aftercare can also include tidying up and cleaning any sex toys you may have used!
Maintaining the connection
You’ve just connected in one of the deepest ways that two people can, aftercare gives you a chance to coregulate and deepen your connection. This can include giving each other massages, cuddling, and kissing.
You can also do a cute activity like reading together, listening to music, or playing a game. We’re loving the “Cards for Lovers” – 54 questions to spark sexy conversation and eight cards to ignite sensual play. These cards are designed to help remove any awkwardness around sex and shift the focus to playfulness.
It’s important to note that some people may need a little bit of alone time after having sex and for them, that’s an important part of aftercare. If this resonates with you or your partner, then have clear communication around the need to take space and take steps to ensure both your needs are met.
Aftercare isn’t just for partnered sex. You can practice aftercare after solo sex too. Give yourself a little massage, journal a bit, have a little treat – whatever your heart desires!
Go at your own pace and revel in over 14 modules of sexually empowering masterclasses, tutorials, guided meditations, guest interviews and practical yoni egg exercises plus a monthly women's sister circle on Zoom on the first Wednesday of every month. If you desire consistency, connection and community, this VIP Golden Yoni portal is the perfect place to be. Sign up now for only $40/month with no lock in contracts.
