Although it took me until 30 years of age to discover that I was more attracted to women than men and was desiring a relationship with a woman, it's better late than never.
In light of it being June, AKA #pridemonth, I felt inspired to share my six tell-tale signs that made me realise I was, in fact, queer AF! Perhaps you will learn something new about yourself and open up to the possibility of owning, claiming or discovering a new side to your sexuality.
1. You Had Crushes On Your Friends In School
I remember in sixth grade being totally infatuated with a popular girl at school. I was obsessed; she was so pretty, athletic, funny, kind, smart - all the things. I thought I just really liked her and wanted to be like her, however looking back now I realise I had a major girl crush. Unfortunately kids are usually not given a) a sexuality (or sex in general) education or, b) a healthy non-heteronormative foundation of movies, books or family discussions, to understand it's OK to like the same sex.
Contemplate: Is there a girl you really liked in primary school or high school and upon reflection can notice you were actually into her? Was there a neighbour you fancied or a kid you used to explore with or fantasise about? Were you "making babies" with a girl rather than a boy?
2. You Watch Girl-On-Girl Porn
If your go-to porn is lesbian action, join the club! Although a lot of straight women also enjoy watching girl-on-girl porn (...ahh well it does focus on female pleasure rather than the cock-centric goal of male ejaculation, so why wouldn't they?), it could be a sign you're desiring sexual connection with women. Often lesbian porn is slower, more sensual and focuses on the delicious sensations of oral sex and manual stimulation, which actually gets women off WAY more than P in V sex. Although I don't watch porn very often, watching my partner Ash dancing (think lesbian Magic Mike vibes) gives me those pussy tingles.
Contemplate: What gets you off? If you were to really tune into your sexual desire, what turns you on? If you could watch your favourite porn, what do you search for?
3. You Check Women Out More Than Men
When I came out at 30, I couldn't believe I hadn't noticed the tell-tail signs of me checking out other women! Whether I was walking along the coast with a friend, in a shopping centre, picking up a coffee, on the beach, I was checking out women, not men! Don't get me wrong a cute guy with a set of defined biceps will always turn my head, but mmmm that female barista at the local coffee shop makes the juices flow!
Contemplate: What makes your head turn? Do you check out women more than men? Start to notice your wondering eye and what sparks joy in your panties or heart space. Hot tip: Join the Girl Meet Girl group to meet bi/lesbian babes in your area (it's a global group).
4. You Drunk-Pash Your Friends
We all know your wild, uninhibited side is unleashed when you're tipsy and although it might not be a completely accurate indicator of your sexuality (because intoxication can make you do silly things), if you're pashing your friends every weekend in the club you might be ranking high on the queer spectrum!
I have lost count of how many women I've kissed when out at a bar or club, especially in my early 20s. In fact I used to request to go to high-end strip clubs with my friends so I could watch the beautiful women dance! In hindsight this was a sign that I was actually into women but didn't have the inner-knowledge or self confidence to date women when I was sober. In 2013 I remember coaching a woman who was engaged to be married to a man, however was going out every weekend and hooking up with girls. I strongly encouraged her to end the engagement and listen to her intuition and although she resisted, she called the wedding off only two weeks before she was meant to walk down the aisle and has been happily gay ever since!
Moral of the story: your desires, fantasies, dreams and even drunken actions on the weekend ought to be considered when making big decisions in life as they give you clues to what you want (and deserve).
Contemplate: Does drinking make you feel more confident to make a move on a woman? Do you often get drunk and kiss your friends? Does drinking give you courage to do things you would like to do sober?
5. You Fantasise About Women When You're With A Man
This goes without saying, but if you're envisioning a woman going down on you, when you're with your man, you're queer AF babe! The same goes for when you're masturbating. Yes, it's totally natural to have a fantasy when you're intimate with your partner, however if you're fantasising about a woman every.single.time and you need that fantasy to reach climax...welcome to Queer city baby!
Perhaps you can explore a threesome with a unicorn or maybe you can check in with your partner about exploring your desire to be with a woman. If this feels exciting you would LOVE my recent conversation with Lahnee Land about exploring bisexuality within a healthy marriage.
Contemplate: Do you dream of being with a woman but feel like it's not possible? Do your sexual (or otherwise) fantasies involve women? What conversation can you have with your partner (if male) to give you some freedom to explore this? What do you need in order to explore that desire? Remember if you hit on a woman and she's not into you, she will likely be flattered and complimented that you feel that way. One rejection or even 100 rejections doesn't mean to give up, it just means you haven't met the right woman yet.
6. A Female Movie Heroine In A Movie Makes You Wet
There's almost 200 comments on a post inside the Girl Meet Girl Facebook group where I posed the question: "When did you realise you were into women?" So many women shared answers such as:
- "Snow White when I was 5 years old"
- "The Charlies Angels movies with Drew Barrymore and Lucy Liu"
- "When I was watching Wonder Woman in the early 80s"
- "When I watched the movie Wild Things with Neve Campbell & Denise Richards"
- "The girl-on-girl kissing scene in Cruel Intentions"
- "When team Jacob and Edward just didn't cut the cake!" hahahah
- "My first attraction to a girl was when I was 9 and I watched the movie Honey with Jessica Alba and that opening scene with her dancing at the club 16 years later....I came out as gay "
- "I was 5. I was watching my favourite childhood movie, The never ending story. I wanted to be Bastian and I was in love with the Childlike Empress."
Contemplate: Share in the comments section below which movie made you feel attracted or drawn to a woman? If you haven't seen Below Her Mouth on Netflix, go now and watch it!
Remember it's never too late to explore your queerness - whether you're a woman, man or non-binary. Most of us are brought up in a highly heteronormative society, which blocks and judges our urges of being with someone of the same gender. I hope this article has helped you uncover your desires or unpack your queerness even more. You're never alone, so make sure you reach out if you have any questions or if you need a coaching session on this topic. Conversely join the Golden Yoni Membership and dive into your sexuality!
Love Rosie x