Navigating Neurodiversity and Intimacy

Almost everyone craves intimacy, it’s one of the most natural human things. But getting your intimate needs met in a safe and supportive way can be a lot easier said than done. 

That can definitely be true for people with neurodivergence. If you or your partner has some level of neurodivergence, whether it’s ADHD, autism spectrum, or something else,  it doesn’t mean you don’t want sex or intimacy – it may just be a bit more challenging to navigate.

But we’re here to normalize sex and intimacy for everyone. That’s why we’ve laid out our top tips on navigating intimacy and neurodiversity. 

Sexuality exists on a spectrum

Just like neurodivergence, sexuality also exists on a spectrum. People with neurodivergence are more likely to exist outside of the gender binary and to have varied sexualities.

Research has found that neurodivergent people are more likely to “actually assert and fulfill their gender and sexual orientations more, children with autism are seven times more likely to be gender variant than neurotypical kids.” 

Another 2018 study found that only 30% of autistic people identified as heterosexual, compared to 70% of neurotypical participants. 

Despite all this, there is so much stigma and lack of education around sex and neurodivergence. 

Humans deserve the intimacy, pleasure, and connection that they want. End of story. 

Clear communication

Clear communication is an essential part of a healthy sexual dynamic for everyone. But for people with neurodivergence, things may need to be communicated that much more clearly.

Autistic people for example may have a more difficult time picking up on specific social cues. So much of sex and intimacy is non-verbal and not always specifically said out loud. But some autistic people may not be able to intuit the needs and desires of their partner, especially if they’re exploring the world of kink.

They need and deserve the opportunity to communicate and set expectations of what they want and have their partner communicate the same to them. 

Different sexual cycles

Research on people with ADHD found that they may masturbate more often, have higher sexual desire, but also experience less sexual satisfaction. They also may experience issues with arousal and orgasms, as well as erectile dysfunction.

People with ADHD may find themselves toeing the line between under and over-stimulation. Sex is obviously all about stimulation and being present in sensations, ADHD folks may find themselves overstimulated to the point where they mentally check out. For other people, sex can become almost mechanical and habitual, so their mind wanders.

Being aware of this is a great start. There’s nothing wrong with you, you’re not a bad partner, you just need to figure out what tools work for you. Be patient with the process, with yourself, and your partner, and enjoy the process.

Sensory issues and sex

Another huge thing that can come up for neurodivergent folks and sex is sensory issues. Sex is inherently full of sensory stimulation. But what do you do when the stimulation feels like too much?

Having a baseline of trust with your partner is important so you can communicate when you’re feeling overstimulated, or vice versa. And again, this all comes back to communication – and having a safe space to do so.

Using toys is a great way to navigate sensory issues because they let you explore different vibrations and sensations – but you also know what to expect.

We’d love to recommend The Ovie Suck & Lick Vibrator, our unique suction and licking vibrator that has two different heads – each with seven speeds to explore. This ergonomic design is made from silky-smooth premium-grade silicone, for easy use, and minimal distractions. 

If you would like more support in navigating neurodiversity and intimacy, it may be helpful to talk to a mental health practitioner who’s skilled in these areas. They can help give you and your partner (if you have one) the tools to help with your specific dynamic.