5 Ways to Overcome Intrusive Thoughts During Intimacy
We’ve all been there…
You’re in the mood (or trying to be at least), things are starting to heat up, then all of a sudden you think to yourself:
“Did I switch the laundry?”
“Can my partner see my rolls?”
“I hope the neighbors can’t hear me.”
Intrusive thoughts are normal and to a certain extent, part of being human, but when they get in the way of your most intimate moments – it can be an issue. Intrusive thoughts can take you out of the moment, make it difficult to connect with your partner or yourself and keep you from feeling into your pleasure.
We asked our YPP community what intrusive thoughts they battled with, so if you would love to hear what other women are thinking and feeling amidst intimacy, join our 25K Facebook group and read the post on intrusive thoughts here.
Are intrusive thoughts affecting your intimacy? Here’s how to overcome them.
1) Understand intrusive thoughts
You're a human and you have lots of human things and responsibilities to tend to to keep your life moving and grooving. You have work, you might have kids, you have chores and errands, all the things! It’s understandable that these things come up while you're having sex.
Like we said, intrusive thoughts are incredibly common and normal. Don't believe us? We asked and here are common ones that come up:
- “Is the dog staring at us?”
- “Are the kids actually asleep?”
- “My knee, hip, etc. hurts.”
- “I’m taking too long to finish.”
- “I don’t feel sexy in my body.”
- “Do I smell?”
- “I have so much to do today.”
- “What if I pee (postpartum) or squirt?”
See? You’re definitely not the only one. If peeing is a concern for you or you don’t want to make the bed after squirting, may we recommend one of our incredible splash blankets? We’re loving this beautiful Waterproof Squirt Blanket™ ($59.99 AUD) in Emerald Green.
2) Practice self-acceptance
Again, you are human, with human things to navigate. You have insecurities, responsibilities, all sorts of things. Sometimes these things affect your sex life.
When you shame yourself for having these thoughts, it only exacerbates them and creates a negative spiral. Instead of shaming yourself, we invite you to practice self-acceptance.
Acknowledge the thought, then let it go. Besides practicing self-love and acceptance, it’s also helpful to have a sense of humor about these things. It’s all pretty silly and absurd if you really think about it!
If you need a little extra support, this Self Acceptance Meditation ($5 AUD) allows you to remember that you are enough, just as you are.
3) Don’t give up on your orgasm
Orgasms are not the point of sex, and they certainly don’t need to happen every time you have it. That being said, they feel incredible when they do and you shouldn’t give up on having one because you’re too caught up in your own head.
A lot of women give up on their orgasm and their pleasure because they just can’t be bothered. The intrusive thoughts keep coming so instead of practicing self-love and trying to deepen intimacy, they check out. This tends to happen more with a partner.
When you feel yourself going into this headspace, take some deep breaths, you can ask your partner to slow down and feel into what you need to feel connected to your body and your partner so you can actually enjoy the moment.
If you need extra support on how to have an orgasm or tools on how to get out of your head, book a 1:1 coaching call with Relationship & Sexuality Coach, Rosie Rees. It’s incredible what you can move through in 60 minutes together on Zoom.
4) Drop into your senses
The thing with intrusive thoughts is that they get in the way of you being present in your body. This creates a riff that makes it that much harder to experience pleasure and feel connected. If you struggle with this, you may like to download the app Insight Timer or Open - for plenty of free guided meditations.
When that starts to happen, try getting back into your body by dropping into your senses. Here’s how to do that:
- Breathe into the parts of yourself that are feeling nervous or pleasurable
- Feel your own movements and your partner’s movements
- Pay attention to the feeling of touch, whether that’s where your skin is making contact or the places you’re touching on your partner or your own body
- Practice eye gazing to help bring you back to the present moment
- Make sounds, the deeper and more primal, the more they’ll take you out of your head and into your body
5) Deepen your connection to yourself
Getting out of intrusive thoughts while you’re having sex is a practice. It can get easier over time, especially when you’re making a point of getting in touch with your own body and sense of pleasure.
You can deepen your connection to yourself with a self-pleasure and a yoni egg practice. Amethyst is an incredibly powerful stone to work with here. Amethyst is a calming, meditative stone that helps you to connect to your intuition, inner guidance, and sense of connection to source/God/Universe. On an energetic level, amethyst can also help with nerves, anxiety, and sleep.
Our Amethyst Yoni Egg ($75 AUD) can help you deepen your connection to your yoni and pelvic floor and create more mindfulness in this area. This Amethyst Crystal Dildo ($259 AUD) holds a gentle and soothing yet powerful and magnetic energetic vibration. When used during a sacred self-pleasure practice, this wand will whisk you on a journey to your higher self, forging a strong connection with the higher chakras. It is the perfect wand for those new to a crystal self-pleasure practice as it's both thick for girth and tapered for easeful entry.
Go at your own pace and revel in over 14 modules of sexually empowering masterclasses, tutorials, guided meditations, guest interviews and practical yoni egg exercises plus a monthly women's sister circle on Zoom on the first Wednesday of every month. If you desire consistency, connection and community, this VIP Golden Yoni portal is the perfect place to be. Sign up now for only $40/month with no lock in contracts.
