8 Somatic Ways to Connect to Your Clitoris
In the realm of somatic sex education, the clitoris is not just a source of sexual pleasure, it’s a teacher and invites us into deeper connection through slowness, safety and sensation.
Bonnie Bliss, a pioneer in the field, invites us to reframe our understanding of clitoral touch. Rather than something to stimulate for a quick result, the clitoris becomes a sacred gateway into nervous system regulation, emotional intimacy, and embodied presence. And the key is safety, slowness, and surrender.
If you’ve ever felt numb, disconnected, or overwhelmed during clitoral touch (whether solo or with a partner), you're not alone. That response is often the result of going too fast, skipping over presence, or overriding the body's wisdom. This guide is a reminder, or a reintroduction, to how the clitoris actually wants to be met.
Here are eight somatic principles to support deeper, safer, more expansive clitoral connection:
1. Go Slow - Way Slower Than You Think
We’ve been conditioned to rush, to perform, to climax, to “get there.” But when it comes to the clitoris, slowness isn’t optional, it’s essential.
Less is more. Simply resting a warm hand over the vulva, without pressure or expectation, is a beautiful beginning. This allows the body to register safety and presence. Energy begins to stir naturally when we let go of the need to "do" and instead choose to be.
The clitoris doesn’t open through pressure. It opens through patience.
2. Breathe and Soften
So many women hold unconscious tension in the pelvic floor, often due to trauma, shame, or simply years of living in a high-stress world.
Breathing deeply and consciously relaxing the pelvic bowl is one of the fastest ways to enhance sensation. This isn't just about turning yourself on, it's about tuning in. When the body is relaxed, the nervous system shifts into parasympathetic mode, making true pleasure possible.
So before any touch happens, take a moment to exhale. Drop into your body. Let it soften. Let it speak.
3. Get Consent from the Body
We often think of consent as a verbal “yes” or “no,” but somatic sex education invites us to listen deeper, to the body’s yes, to the felt sense of readiness.
Rather than assuming the clitoris is ready to be touched, pause and ask. You might whisper, “Do you want this right now?” or “How does this feel?” You may not receive a verbal answer, but you might feel a sensation, a relaxation, a tingling, a subtle yes.
When the clitoris is touched with reverence and respect, it responds. Not because it was forced to open, but because it felt safe enough to.
4. Start Around, Not On
Rather than going straight to the bean itself, try circling the area or "circle the rose bud" if you're a visual person. The idea is to begin your touch around the clitoris, not directly on it.
The inner thighs, labia, pubic mound, and outer clitoral hood are incredibly sensitive and often overlooked. Gentle, exploratory touch in these areas helps awaken arousal naturally. It also signals to the body that you’re not in a rush, creating a sense of spaciousness and safety.
Only once the body is truly ready should the clitoris be touched directly, and even then, gently.
5. Use the Clitoral Hood as a Buffer
Direct stimulation can feel overwhelming, even painful, if the clitoris isn't ready.
The clitoral hood acts like a veil or buffer. You can stroke over it softly in circular, side-to-side, or up-and-down motions, allowing the clitoris to gradually awaken without overstimulation. Many women actually prefer this kind of indirect touch, especially at the beginning of arousal.
It’s not about doing more, it’s about meeting the body where it’s at.
6. Vary Pressure and Rhythm
Every woman’s body is different. Every day is different if we are a cyclical being. What worked yesterday might not feel good today...
This is why listening is the most important skill you can cultivate. Some moments call for light, fluttery strokes, others crave deeper, more rhythmic pressure. Play with tempo. Explore stillness. Let the clitoris guide you.
Often, what’s most arousing is the feeling of being truly attuned to, of having your body met with curiosity rather than assumption.
7. Embrace Non-Goal Orientation
Our culture is obsessed with goals: climax, performance, productivity. But real pleasure lives in the process, not the outcome.
Let go of the need to orgasm. Instead, focus on what feels nourishing right now. Maybe it’s a deep breath, a wave of sensation, or a release of emotion. Sexologist, Bonnie Bliss often says, “The clitoris is a doorway into the body, not just a button to push.”
When we de-center orgasm, we open the door to a wider landscape of intimacy, emotion, and embodiment.
8. Create Safety First
All the technique in the world means nothing if the receiver doesn’t feel safe.
Emotional and nervous system safety are foundational. This means being present, checking in regularly, maintaining eye contact, and holding space for whatever arises, arousal, numbness, tears, or joy. When we feel seen and safe, our bodies naturally open.
Pleasure isn’t something you perform. It’s something you allow. And that allowance begins with safety.
Our TOP 5 Clit Related Products
If you're seeking new ways to explore your clit including different sensations and different textures, these are our top five toys that might tickle your fancy (or your yoni in this case).
The Ryda Vulva Grinder: Designed for rubbing and grinding your clit on, this ultra-smooth silicone grinder is perfect for non-vibration stimulation. Just add lube and strap to your favourite pillow or person. Highly recommend adding on a waterproof splash pillow case to cover any spills. From $79
The Ovie: A two-in-one vibrator offering gentle clit-suction and clit-flicking. This is fun to explore new types of sensation! $99
The Raye: Similar to the Ryda (above) this is a grinder that vibrates. If you want to explore external play solo or with a partner this flat based grinder plate is a fun place to start! $87
Clit Stimulant: If you want to bring your clit to life, just add a few drops of this clit stimulating oil and feel the tingles and buzz. Add before sexy time or even before going to work to lighten up your day! $38.95
Clit Puppet: Want to teach this body of work to your community. Invest in a vulva/clit soft plushie toy and spread the word on the correct clitoral anatomy. From $349
