How to have a Successful Threesome

By Lahnee Pavlovich

Did you know that threesomes are by far the most common sexual fantasy for both men and women of all sexual orientations? And why wouldn’t they be? A threesome gives you the opportunity to explore your fantasies, share some erotic energy with someone of the same sex and to see your partner in a new, exciting light.

Basically, threesomes have the potential to be a whole lot of fun. But, as with most things, a little bit of pre planning and a whole lot of talking, checking, and briefing is necessary to make sure things run smoothly.

Don’t get turned off though, because if you do take the time to get it right, bringing a third into your relationship can bring a whole other level of intense pleasure and excitement into the bedroom too. It can also open up your mind and body to a range of emotions and feeling you never knew were possible.

So, how do you execute a successful threesome? Read on lovers…

Open Communication

You would think this is common sense, right? But in reality, honest, open communication is challenging for many couples. Because it means talking about everything! It means being authentic and honest about our desires, fears, needs and boundaries. A lot of people, even those deeply in love, still struggle to express what they really want and how they really feel. But, when you decide to add a third to your relationship, it’s more important than ever to engage in open communication, express your feelings and thoughts in detail and work through any fears or triggers that come up before you get to the bedroom.

Pre-Planning

It sounds pretty un-sexy, but pre-planning what you actually want out of your experience will help you bring those thoughts to fruition. Having a threesome isn’t as simple as adding a third party and getting naked… you need to think about why you want to add a third, what you want out of it as individuals and as a couple and how it will physically go down too. A good idea is to sit with your partner and have a conversation about it - but make it fun. I recommend you each write a list of what you want out of your third, and your experience and see how they match up. Use this as a way to keep the openness and discussions going, and to find out what your partner really wants out of it too. And then when it comes to go-time, don’t compromise on the things you both felt were important. Take the time to find someone who ticks your boxes and who you feel will add to your relationship and fit with the experience you want. Which brings me to point three…

Choose your Third Wisely

For many couples, actually finding a third can seem like a daunting task. Especially if you have talked about your prerequisites and know what you want out of your lover. I would start by getting a little cheeky in the conversations you have with potential partners who could be friends or acquaintances, maybe someone you meet at a party, workshop (😉), retreat etc. You could even make a night of checking out dating apps – there are plenty around that cater to couples. Get creative and make the “searching process” part of the foreplay. And ensure that the person you do choose has chemistry with you both, is respectful and open minded.

Set Boundaries

A big mistake couples make is that they jump into a threesome without doing their research, without discussions and without setting any boundaries. This will inevitably end bad every time. Boundaries, both sexually and emotionally, should be discussed in your pre-planning phase and then discussed with your third too. Oh, and it should go without saying that one of your boundaries should be practicing safe sex! Remember the more open and honest everyone is, the smoother things will go, and if everyone is on the same page everyone will have a lot more fun too. Bring on point number 5…

Make it FUN

The whole point of having a threesome is to have fun, right? So, make sure that’s exactly what it is…fun! By now you know what you want out of it, you’ve found your ideal third, you’ve talked about it, hopefully used it as a way to get excited with your partner on your own and you’re ready to take the leap. So, don’t feel afraid. You got this! Embrace the excitement, allow yourself to feel and express and go with the flow. Allow yourself to get turned on watching someone else enjoy your partner, allow yourself to get turned on by someone who isn’t your partner. Enjoy the aspects of the threesome you wanted to experience. Many couples get to go-time and then allow shame or fear to destroy what could have been an incredible moment. They let jealousy wash over them or mistake their partners lust for something more. Remember that you both went into this as a couple and you will come out of it as one too! The whole point of a threesome is that you are adding a third to YOUR relationship, your intimate space because YOU BOTH desire it. So, enjoy everything about it.

Good luck lovers! We would love to hear all about your threesome experiences (past, present or future…). And be sure to let us know if these few tips helped you out.

Until next time….

Image credits: Pinterest

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