Navigating Masturbation When You’re in a Relationship

Sex with your partner is not a substitution for masturbation – and vice versa. 

You might want to read that again.

Masturbation is important for your relationship with yourself, just as having sex with your partner is important for your relationship with them.

But making time for solo sex when you’re in a relationship can be tricky. This beautiful practice with yourself can bring up shame, confusion, doubt, and other emotions for you and your partner.

If having a masturbation practice is important to you (and it probably is if you’re reading this), then it’s vital to figure out how to make sure your needs are being met, while being respectful of your partner and their feelings. 

That’s why we’ve laid out the why and how of masturbating when you’re in a relationship.

Masturbation is good for you

Masturbation feels amazing (and honestly that’s reason enough to do it), but it also comes with a slew of benefits.

These are just a few of them:

• Stress relief
• Increased confidence
• It may help with sleep
• Relief from period pain

That’s just the start of it. There are countless other potential perks you can get from showing yourself some love. 

Solo sex as a self-care practice

Solo sex isn’t just about having orgasms, although that’s certainly part of it! It’s also a powerful self-care practice. One that allows you to deepen your connection with yourself and your body.

If you make time for meditation, working out, or your skincare routine, solo sex doesn’t need to be any different.

This is your time for you. For you to feel into your body’s needs and desires, for you to slow down and sink into your breath. This is for you and you. 

One of our top self-pleasure tools is the gorgeous Cora Crystal Wand. The Cora’s deliciously curved shape is perfect for yoni massage or juicy g-spot stimulation. Another perk? It’s carved from pink aventurine – a stone that’s known for helping you manifest love, gentleness, and abundance! 

 

How to talk to your partner about masturbation 

Even if you know how vital it is to have a self-pleasure practice, it can still bring up a mixed bag of emotions for your partner. They might feel inadequate, resentful, annoyed, or something else.

This is understandable if you’re in a new relationship or you haven’t been open about masturbation before. But at the end of the day, this is your body, and your needs matter.

Here are some helpful points to touch on when you’re talking to your partner:

• Masturbation is not a substitute for your them – you still LOVE having sex with them
• It’s healthy for you to connect with yourself
• It doesn’t mean you don’t love your partner or want to have sex with them
• You don’t want to keep it a secret
• You’ll let them know when you need a little bit of time for intimacy with yourself

Part of this is about releasing your own shame around solo sex. Remember to be honest, direct, and empathetic when talking with your partner.

Breaking down your own shame

People carry a lot of shame around sexuality, especially when it comes to masturbation. 

Many of us are programmed to be quick and quiet. This mentality can carry over from having to hide masturbation in shared houses or when you lived with your parents. Well, you don’t need to hide anymore. 

You shouldn’t have to keep your solo sex practice from your partner. It’s important for you to come to an understanding of why it’s necessary – for both of you. You can even start telling them about what you did when you were alone for some sexy verbal foreplay!

Your sexuality is beautiful. Your pleasure is sacred. You deserve this time with yourself. You deserve a self-pleasure practice!

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